21

my eyes suddenly lose the ability to focus. although this would be great for viewing those ridiculous 3D optical illusion pictures that they used to sell in malls everywhere during the 90's this does not fair well for visual based human navigation. light sources cause spots in my vision as if someone had just woken me up with a bright flashlight. i try to keep myself calm but i know what inevitably is to come. no this is not a stroke. if it were then doctors would know what to do about this. but they don't. i try to relax. if i can i close my eyes. after an hour of more of this short circuit in my optical function phase 2 sets in. part of my face goes numb. as with Novocaine i feel that everyone must see the effects of my lazy face but upon looking in the mirror i realize that there are no outward signs. i suffer alone. undetected. the numbness eventually spreads to one of my arms. motion in the arm becomes sensationless and labored as if i had fallen asleep on it. more scary than the lack of sensation is the knowledge of what is to come. feeling always returns before the onset of the excruciating mind pains. headaches so bad i can not even tell where exactly they are coming from in my skull. even my teeth and ear canals seem to hurt. nothing can be done except a shutdown hoping that things will return to normal when i finally reboot.

20

sometimes i need to be reminded
sometimes we all need to be reminded
that we all really want the same things

to feel like we belong
to feel like we are not alone
to feel like others feel like we do

but too often
everyday things get in the way
everyday desires get in the way

without artists to remind us who we are
i fear would would quickly forget
and lose ourselves forever

19

yard owners of the world UNITE
follow your dog walking neighbors home
mark the locations on google earth
and get out the raisin bran

as that fiber works it's magic
review your map markings
and pay your neighbors a visit,
make no effort to clean up after yourself

18

once we are freed from greed we will be able to figure out how to survive
cast off the shackles and regret of debt and we will remember what it's like to be alive

17

as my heart rate rises time seems to slow down
my senses heighten and i become more aware of everything around me
i don't even feel my fists clenching, they just do
my left foot slowly slides forward and my hips rotate
always maintaining my balance, my shoulders counter in the opposite direction
my brow lowers as my chin dips towards my chest
i can sense every system in my body and how it is functioning
a final diagnostic check before shutting down the pain receptors
i am ready for whatever you have got
we have not been a society long enough to counter our genetics
my escape from that shit-town was not long enough ago to complete my deprogramming
who can possibly believe we are not animals

16

ode to new hampshire
white trash capital of the world

where 80's metal reigns supreme
and there are big bangs on every girl

feel free to yell out the car window
at anyone not like yourself

the state where bud light and slim jims
can be bought off any convenience store shelf

make sure to lock your car
because in new hampshire they still steal stereos

there is a huge aftermarket value particularly
for ones that fit in bitchin' camaroes

make sure to look as tough as you can
because that's what it takes to be a new hampshire man

live free or die in the granite state
where fireworks are legal but strippers only show their cans