It's time for an OUP (one unemotional punch) update. As you may or may not remember i am starting a campaign where it is OK to give someone a singular punch if they clearly deserve it and that's the end of that. No beating. Time served. Lesson Learned. Here's a few recent examples i have come across.
Any male with a mop-top haircut. Mullets make me laugh too hard to even think about punching and i have had so many hairstyles which have pissed one or more people off i thought it impossible to come up with a truly insulting haircut. i stand corrected. The 80's themselves couldn't even spawn such a ridiculous look. Most likely they won't see it coming with all that hair in their eyes.
Anyone wearing Crocs. They simultaneously saw "I am lazy", "I am unoriginal", and "I am an idiot". If they have any of those little accessories on them you are entitled to another punch.
Anyone wearing cowboy boots in a non-cowboy region of the country (like say, the Northeast). Yes, it appears that yellow is the new chocolate and cowboy boots are the new Uggs. Let's try to stop this one before it starts.
Anyone with preachy, non-consumer, non-status quo bumper stickers who also have an Apple sticker on their car. Are people really that easily dupped? A non-consumer consumer company? Come on now.
That's it for now. i'll post something more positive soon to balance this off. Don't worry.
May 6, 2008
Drunken Lullabies
i've been thinking about this for a little while now so i'm throwing it out to the 1PunkMonk voters. i've been thinking about learning all the lyrics to a song so that i can attempt to muddle through it while trying to bounce and lull my niece to sleep.
A proper lullaby should have some cultural aspect to it so i would like it to have some sense of Irish roots. Being the punk that i am, however, i need one with a bit of representation on that front as well. So i think i've whittled it down to two choices. If you've got a better idea, comment it here rather than voting, or in addition to voting. Either way, here they are:
"The Son Never Shines (on closed doors)" - Flogging Molly; this always helps me get to sleep
"Boys On The Docks (pub version)" - Dropkick Murphys; probably easier for me to somewhat sing this song; it is righteous and has a sense of legend to it
What's your pick?
A proper lullaby should have some cultural aspect to it so i would like it to have some sense of Irish roots. Being the punk that i am, however, i need one with a bit of representation on that front as well. So i think i've whittled it down to two choices. If you've got a better idea, comment it here rather than voting, or in addition to voting. Either way, here they are:
"The Son Never Shines (on closed doors)" - Flogging Molly; this always helps me get to sleep
"Boys On The Docks (pub version)" - Dropkick Murphys; probably easier for me to somewhat sing this song; it is righteous and has a sense of legend to it
What's your pick?
May 4, 2008
Smells Like Burning
i am in full agreement with you pollers out there, burning witches should be the next energy source for our country. It's a renewable resource, it would cut down on our population problem, and witches are readily available in every region of this country, although Salem Massachusetts may have a surplus.
A few witches come to mind that might help get the ball rolling. Oprah could probably power much of Chicago for at least a week all on her own. Burn that queen of consumption's possessions along with her and you'd have enough power for the entire month. A FULL month mind you, not that wimpy, short little February. She has cast a spell on homemakers across the country who have lost free will and now must do whatever she says.
Celine Dion could help ol' Canada out, although her skinny corpse would not produce nearly as many BTU's of heat as Oprah's mega-calories. You have to be a witch to hit those unnatural high notes.
i personally would like to add Rachel Ray, whom has desecrated two of my favorite things with her annoyingly insincere smile, to the list. Her mug scares me every time i go to grab a Wheat Thins box and her posters and advertisements for Dunkin Donuts make me want to drive a screwdriver into my ear with a hammer. We all know that only witches can appear in multiple locations at once.
i am not sure where they shoot The View but whether it's New York or LA either could benefit from the power produced from that line-up. The list of witch-like characteristics of that cast are longer than i can list here.
Witches are an untapped resource that is plentiful here in the old US of A and could be our answer to both the climate crisis and self-dependence. Let us get that political ball rolling, for all of our futures (except for the witches).
A few witches come to mind that might help get the ball rolling. Oprah could probably power much of Chicago for at least a week all on her own. Burn that queen of consumption's possessions along with her and you'd have enough power for the entire month. A FULL month mind you, not that wimpy, short little February. She has cast a spell on homemakers across the country who have lost free will and now must do whatever she says.
Celine Dion could help ol' Canada out, although her skinny corpse would not produce nearly as many BTU's of heat as Oprah's mega-calories. You have to be a witch to hit those unnatural high notes.
i personally would like to add Rachel Ray, whom has desecrated two of my favorite things with her annoyingly insincere smile, to the list. Her mug scares me every time i go to grab a Wheat Thins box and her posters and advertisements for Dunkin Donuts make me want to drive a screwdriver into my ear with a hammer. We all know that only witches can appear in multiple locations at once.
i am not sure where they shoot The View but whether it's New York or LA either could benefit from the power produced from that line-up. The list of witch-like characteristics of that cast are longer than i can list here.
Witches are an untapped resource that is plentiful here in the old US of A and could be our answer to both the climate crisis and self-dependence. Let us get that political ball rolling, for all of our futures (except for the witches).
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