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As things pop into my gray matter (protected by my bounty hunter helmet) i decide whether they are to be turned into poems/prose/essays or turned into entries for this blog. Things that are more personal or emotional go to the former, where things deemed more trivial are turned into juvenile rants for this dirt road off of the internet superhighway.

This probably should have gone to the former as well but i am going to rant about it here instead, fuck, maybe i'll do both with it. Like Bobby Brown said: it's my prerogative.

My sister recently had a baby. Although it is not very interactive at a few weeks old i still truly enjoy spending time with that little potato sack. Life is such a beautiful thing and i feel like that little baby doesn't have any of the shit of the world on it yet (just it's own shit every couple of hours or so).

However, every time i hold that baby in my arms i become absolutely paranoid. Am i giving the head enough support? If i let the blanket it's wrapped in get too close to it's mouth will it stop breathing? The whole time i have that baby in my arms i worry that when i'm done holding the child will i drop it as i hand it off to my sister (or her husband)?

My point here is not how crazy i am (which is why i have no children of my own) but that i care so much about this little life that i don't want to be the one to fuck it up in any way. Most of my friends that have had children have disclosed to me how at times they just get completely overwhelmed and worry that they are going to do something wrong. It just comes from giving a shit.

Now this has all been a preface, a point of context for the next part here.

Since the end of January i have been interrupting my lunch everyday to go up to the cafeteria for this semester's duty. i stand by the rear exit of the caf to make sure nothing comes in and nothing goes out. On occasion i need to leave my post to address a disruption but for the most part i stand at that doorway.

Up until about two weeks ago i have been unfortunately greeted everyday by the stretch-marked up back of a pregnant teenager. It sticks out above the low-rider pants and below the half-shirt, the same one she must have worn prior to the pregnancy, it just covers even less now. You can't help but notice it and then just as quickly turn away hoping to forget about it. What a start to the least favorite ten minutes of my day.

i say up until about two weeks ago because at around the same time that my sister was giving birth this teenage mother was also probably giving birth. This week, however, i was greeted with another image i wish i could forget. This young mother had brought her new child into the cafeteria to show the child off to her friends.

Because this is happening on a similar time frame as my sister's pregnancy i am aware that you must be careful where you bring a newborn child for the first few weeks of their life. They are quite susceptible to all kinds of diseases as they are still developing. Their immune system is adapting to now being out of the womb. i am a full grown adult and i am afraid of all the bacteria and viruses i am exposed to in a school environment. All those people in confined areas during these winter months with closed windows. So many sick people sent to school because their parents don't want them at home during the day. All this resulting in me catching colds and flus every year. i won't even get into the scary things that are probably living in/on the school's kitchen, or worse, the lunch ladies.

Then she gets up to show off to another group of friends and as she goes the infant's head is bouncing all over the place like some bobble-head figure given out to try and get people to show up for a farm league baseball game. It's completely unsupported and hanging out over her arm. In that moment all i could think about was how this is in no way the worst thing that this poor infant is going to have to endure.

When this is the start to your life how can you expect to make it through this world which is difficult enough in the best of situations? This made me much less nervous about being with my sister's child but i wonder at what expense? It's amazing the effect a change in you frame of reference can have on your whole perception of a situation.

This is the dilemma. When that is the world you know how can someone like me convince you that you need to cut down your carbon footprint? How do i convince you that you shouldn't buy those cheap shoes because they are made by slave labor in Asia? How do i convince you that you should listen to what the candidates stand for and that you need to get out and vote on election day?

How do i convince people to take care of a planet when we can't even take care of each other?

What Can i Get For $2?

Oh man, i can't believe i forgot about this until grocery shopping tonight: my new favorite term which should be accepted by Webster for next year's dictionary. Webster the dictionary guy, not New Hampshire's favorite son Daniel Webster. They name everything after that guy. i'm surprised the man on the mountain wasn't renamed Danny Webster before it fell off. Someone from New Hampshire probably had something to do that 80's tv show Webster.

Anyway, back to my point.

A girl wearing Ugg boots with a mini-skirt...

ESKA-HO

i'd call them this to their face but i'm afraid of their eska-pimps. i don't want to get pimp-slapped with a mitten.

Sun Needles

i forgot a couple of things that i've enjoyed in the last few months back when i was putting a 'what i like so far' list together recently.

Oxycodone (not to be confused with oxycontin which rednecks around the country are holding up pharmacies to get): No, i'm not talking about it as a recreational narcotic. i was given a few tablets of this so i could sleep the first couple of nights after i dislocated my finger. i have had to take prescription medications at various times for pain and the side effects always eventually became worse than the pain.

After surgery on my deviated septum i ended up discontinuing use of the pain meds because of the disturbing dreams i was having, and i was sleeping most of the time for a good few days after that surgery. They just got so bad that the incredible pain became a more appealing option. This has happened a few times over my existence so far.

Oxycodone turned out to be just enough to alleviate my pain to the point were i was comfortable enough to sleep yet did not have any of the negative side effects i had experienced with other painkillers. A very nice discovery.

Sunshine on DVD with a 46" LCD TV: i have raved about this movie many times but watching it on a crisp screen is moving. Watching with director commentary was insightful, but i just watched it with commentary by the scientist who was an adviser for the movie. Extremely enjoyable!

i am such a science geek but i learned quite a bit from listening, including that i was always taught that without a spacesuit we would instantly explode due to pressure differences between our body and space. In fact, the pressure in space is of small enough difference that our body would actually be able to hold up. You would have many other problems to contend with but that was fascinating and something worth passing on. Thats' just one example of how good the commentary was and of how much of a science geek i truly am.

Oh, of course, and acupuncture. It's working out quite well for me.

No Disintegrations

Fucker seems to be the swear of choice amongst 1PunkMonk readers. If i were asked to be on "Inside The Actor's Studio" that is how i would answer the question as well.

This week's survey comes from my attempt to watch all of the Star Wars movies in numeric order. Now there is a correct answer to this week's question, this is greater than just personal opinion. Choose wisely. Do not be seduced by the dark side.