Sep 23, 2006
All Your Pink Parts
i didn't know 'Sixteen Candles' had boobies in it. i'd have watched it a lot earlier if i had known that. i've sat through worse for less...
Jackass'd
Holy fuck (well, you can't really have fuck without a hole right)!!! i saw 'Jackass Two' today and all i can really say is holy fuck. At least i no longer want to throw up. i wonder how many times this weekend some poor teenager earning minimum wage will have to clean up vomit from theater floors.
i'll start in chronological order and try not to spoil it for anyone who hasn't seen it yet. For you movie trailer junkies out there (as oppose to trailer trash) the fun starts early with one of the greatest movie trailers ever, it cold-cocked me. Quite a surprise and the movie hadn't even started yet. There was also a new Sam Jackson movie trailer with Christina Riche looking very Susan Surandon-ish. Not too sure about that one though, there was no purple lightsaber to be seen.
From the opening scene the audience was losing their shit. i love watching movies on opening weekend. You never get the crowd experience like the one you get on opening weekend. As the opening sequence went on you could tell the crowd felt it was a bit fake until you see the out-takes during the end credits. Poor little WeeMan.
Oh the laughs, the instinctive verbal ejaculations beyond any individual's control, the gut holds, and the spastic limbs in reaction to the physical pain our random heros were enduring. About halfway through the movie i began to think that this has got to be one of the funniest movies i have ever seen... and then something went wrong... terribly wrong. It involves Pontius and a horse and i never recovered as the movie progressed and continued down a scary, scary path. At one point, as things went on, a few of the guys diagonally behind me started gagging.
Sitting through the entire movie without throwing up is a feat worthy of the movie itself. Don't get me wrong, i am extremely glad i went to the movie but my post-movie dinner plans had to be post-poned for an hour or so as my stomach needed time to settle. i'd treat this movie like a soccer game: no eating large meals two hours before start time. It's probably the closest i've come to puking since 1997 but my record still stands. That is, unless they make a 'Jackass Three'. God save us all if that ever happens.
i'll start in chronological order and try not to spoil it for anyone who hasn't seen it yet. For you movie trailer junkies out there (as oppose to trailer trash) the fun starts early with one of the greatest movie trailers ever, it cold-cocked me. Quite a surprise and the movie hadn't even started yet. There was also a new Sam Jackson movie trailer with Christina Riche looking very Susan Surandon-ish. Not too sure about that one though, there was no purple lightsaber to be seen.
From the opening scene the audience was losing their shit. i love watching movies on opening weekend. You never get the crowd experience like the one you get on opening weekend. As the opening sequence went on you could tell the crowd felt it was a bit fake until you see the out-takes during the end credits. Poor little WeeMan.
Oh the laughs, the instinctive verbal ejaculations beyond any individual's control, the gut holds, and the spastic limbs in reaction to the physical pain our random heros were enduring. About halfway through the movie i began to think that this has got to be one of the funniest movies i have ever seen... and then something went wrong... terribly wrong. It involves Pontius and a horse and i never recovered as the movie progressed and continued down a scary, scary path. At one point, as things went on, a few of the guys diagonally behind me started gagging.
Sitting through the entire movie without throwing up is a feat worthy of the movie itself. Don't get me wrong, i am extremely glad i went to the movie but my post-movie dinner plans had to be post-poned for an hour or so as my stomach needed time to settle. i'd treat this movie like a soccer game: no eating large meals two hours before start time. It's probably the closest i've come to puking since 1997 but my record still stands. That is, unless they make a 'Jackass Three'. God save us all if that ever happens.
Pockets
Somewhere in the early evolution of jeans back pockets appeared on the scene. Ladies, (and probably gentlemen too) please only buy jeans with back pockets. Even if you don't put anything in those useless pockets they are there for a reason. Denim stretched over backsides without the benefit of pockets just looks wrong, oh so wrong.
Now this is not on the same level as owning spandex or wearing sweat pants in public, but for the betterment of society, please only buy jeans with back pockets. Thank you.
Now this is not on the same level as owning spandex or wearing sweat pants in public, but for the betterment of society, please only buy jeans with back pockets. Thank you.
Thank You Sheryl Crow
Home Depot. i hate that place. Owning a fixer-upper home mean you make regular trips to this establishment. At first it seems fun: look at all this stuff i can use to fix up my house. Within a month the joy wears off as you receive your credit card statement and see what all those little $20-$50 trips add up to over time.
A few projects in you start measuring your success by how many times you had to interrupt your project to make trips to 'the depo'. Much like mini-golf the lowest number wins. Zen Masters spend a day working with no trips. i'm quite satisfied if i score as low as a one or two. If you convince someone else to make the trip for you it doesn't count on your record because you didn't technically go, nor did you have to stop working to drive there. Unfortunately, while helping a friend build new steps to enter her breezeway a few weeks ago it ended up taking us about 6 or 7 trips before finishing the project. How embarrassing. i rectified this bad home improvement karma, however, by pulling off a ZERO trip day the following weekend. Still puts me at a 3 to 3.5 trip average for the two week period. Not great but i'll take it.
Today, as i was wondering the isles of 'the depo' looking for a piece they didn't have Sheryl Crow reminded me that "good is good" and also that "bad is bad". Brilliant! How does she come up with this stuff? As if reminding me how much work my house still needs and separating me from most of my money is not bad enough, must i also be bombarded with Sheryl Crow music? Doesn't Amnesty International have some sort of torture rules against such abuses?
If some store opened up that charged twice as much but played Black Flag and Dropkick Murphys music over the PA i'd shop there. If they refused to paint or sell anything orange i might pay three times as much.
A few projects in you start measuring your success by how many times you had to interrupt your project to make trips to 'the depo'. Much like mini-golf the lowest number wins. Zen Masters spend a day working with no trips. i'm quite satisfied if i score as low as a one or two. If you convince someone else to make the trip for you it doesn't count on your record because you didn't technically go, nor did you have to stop working to drive there. Unfortunately, while helping a friend build new steps to enter her breezeway a few weeks ago it ended up taking us about 6 or 7 trips before finishing the project. How embarrassing. i rectified this bad home improvement karma, however, by pulling off a ZERO trip day the following weekend. Still puts me at a 3 to 3.5 trip average for the two week period. Not great but i'll take it.
Today, as i was wondering the isles of 'the depo' looking for a piece they didn't have Sheryl Crow reminded me that "good is good" and also that "bad is bad". Brilliant! How does she come up with this stuff? As if reminding me how much work my house still needs and separating me from most of my money is not bad enough, must i also be bombarded with Sheryl Crow music? Doesn't Amnesty International have some sort of torture rules against such abuses?
If some store opened up that charged twice as much but played Black Flag and Dropkick Murphys music over the PA i'd shop there. If they refused to paint or sell anything orange i might pay three times as much.
Sep 18, 2006
Arrested Development
Sometime during the 2nd season of Arrested Development i decided to try watching it. i had read so many stunning reviews of how good it was from reliable sources i figured i'd give it a try. i turned on an episode about midway through and watched for about 5 minutes. It just seemed moderately silly and i quickly lost interest.
Recently, my significant other put the dvd's from the first season on our (alright HER) netflix account. Not being one to turn down quality time with the mrs (?misses? miss's, whatever, you get it) i sat with her and watched the first dvd. Within three episodes i was laughing out loud.
Now into the 3rd season of the dvd's i realize the magic of the show. You can't just jump in and enjoy it. You need to watch it from the beginning or at least give it a few episodes. The humor comes from the running jokes and continuously intertwined storyline. The quick and subtle ways it references itself and running jokes is hysterical. The charm is the way the cast sells their characters to the viewer. As you get wrapped up in it you really start to believe you are watching an actual family at their most vounerable, candid, and intimate moments. You get wrapped up in the family's sense of humor and history.
i understand why it never became popular or was never heavily watched. You can't just walk into it. You must immerse yourself in it. But, the payoff is well worth it. i now laugh from beginning to end. i'm laughing just thinking about it now. Caw Ca-caw ca-caw!
As the cooler weather starts to fall upon us and you become more homebound by winter's inevitable arrival, find someone to get warm with and give the Arrested Development dvd's a try. A little cuddling and a lot of laughing is good for the soul. (Especially after that last post. Whoa nelly, it took two episodes to get over that day at work.)
Recently, my significant other put the dvd's from the first season on our (alright HER) netflix account. Not being one to turn down quality time with the mrs (?misses? miss's, whatever, you get it) i sat with her and watched the first dvd. Within three episodes i was laughing out loud.
Now into the 3rd season of the dvd's i realize the magic of the show. You can't just jump in and enjoy it. You need to watch it from the beginning or at least give it a few episodes. The humor comes from the running jokes and continuously intertwined storyline. The quick and subtle ways it references itself and running jokes is hysterical. The charm is the way the cast sells their characters to the viewer. As you get wrapped up in it you really start to believe you are watching an actual family at their most vounerable, candid, and intimate moments. You get wrapped up in the family's sense of humor and history.
i understand why it never became popular or was never heavily watched. You can't just walk into it. You must immerse yourself in it. But, the payoff is well worth it. i now laugh from beginning to end. i'm laughing just thinking about it now. Caw Ca-caw ca-caw!
As the cooler weather starts to fall upon us and you become more homebound by winter's inevitable arrival, find someone to get warm with and give the Arrested Development dvd's a try. A little cuddling and a lot of laughing is good for the soul. (Especially after that last post. Whoa nelly, it took two episodes to get over that day at work.)
Parental Advisory
i know i've never been mistaken for being politically correct but dammit, i can't fucking stand ignorant mother fuckers. i've had it. i can't really get mad at stupid or dumb people, they don't know any better. i'm fine with that. It's the ignorant sons of bitches that get me all worked up. So much so i'm refusing to use the 'Enter' button at all throughout this entry. Take that fuckers. i'm talking about the people who should know better, yet they continue to do what they do anyway. You know these ball-bag, wastes of oxygen. You probably work with one. Fuck, you probably work with tons of them. They think they're hot shit in a champagne glass but their cold diarrhea in a Dixie cup. Their lives (along with all of ours) would actually be better if they just did their jobs right, but instead they seem to fuck it up. They know they're fucking it up for the rest of us yet continue on their way like it's the rest of our jobs to take care of the shit they fuck up. These lazy sloth-like human beings just make you want to club them so you can do it right the first time. If i did my job that bad i can't imagine that i wouldn't get fired. Compensating for these shit-birds is what causes the cancer. Holy fucking shit, get me a bottle of advil. Condesendingmotherfuckers...
There, i feel much better now. If you are a small child i recommend that you don't read the above rant. But fuck, sometimes you just need to swear... accept no substitutions.
There, i feel much better now. If you are a small child i recommend that you don't read the above rant. But fuck, sometimes you just need to swear... accept no substitutions.
Sep 17, 2006
You can't spell FART without ART...
i love art. No i'm not coming out of the closet. No, i'm not picking sides on the Simon & Garfunkel split. i find it difficult to think of a life without art in it. A day without music, movies, sketches, paintings, or photographs seems unimaginable.
Art represents the best of our human-ness (sure it may be a made-up word but i despise the word humanity). It IS us, yet something bigger, something better than we can hope to be. It reminds us where we come from and what we are when we dream. It's how i escape but also how i make it through the day.
For me it's the art of optimistic depression that does it. The writings of Jack Kerouac. Any of Walter's bands: Gorilla Biscuits, Quicksand, Rival Schools, Walking Concert. 50's bebop jazz. My favorite Star Wars movie: Empire Strikes Back. Favorite Weezer album: Pinkerton. Elliot Smith and Verve albums. Movies like 'The Last Time I Committed Suicide' & 'Big Fish'. Fight Club could even fall in this category. Why?
There's something about depression that i find comforting, like putting on a worn-in pair of skate sneakers. Buddhists say life is suffering. Just being aware of what's going on around us is enough to cause anyone to be depressed: war, starvation, disease, a democracy turning into a fascist regime. Compassion quickly turns to sadness with open eyes.
The acknowledgement of this state of emotion is to reveal the often hidden root in all of us as human beings. Dwelling on this without a sense of optimism, without the belief that things can be improved, might lead to a lot more Cure album sales but it won't get you out of bed in the morning. This belief in potential is what keeps us going, what keeps us looking. It's the carrot dangling at the end of a stick that keeps us asses moving forward, progressing.
Even complaining in and of itself shows some sense of hope. You wouldn't waste your breath unless at some level, in that grey matter swooshing around in your skull, you believed that you could change things. It displays that deep down (sometimes VERY deep down) you have some sense of hope that change can occur.
Art does all of this. It gives us hope and reminds us who we are when our everyday lives give us a sense of amnesia. It re-charges our batteries on car rides home. It lulls us securely to sleep. It can change the entire mood of a room. This is why i love art.
Art represents the best of our human-ness (sure it may be a made-up word but i despise the word humanity). It IS us, yet something bigger, something better than we can hope to be. It reminds us where we come from and what we are when we dream. It's how i escape but also how i make it through the day.
For me it's the art of optimistic depression that does it. The writings of Jack Kerouac. Any of Walter's bands: Gorilla Biscuits, Quicksand, Rival Schools, Walking Concert. 50's bebop jazz. My favorite Star Wars movie: Empire Strikes Back. Favorite Weezer album: Pinkerton. Elliot Smith and Verve albums. Movies like 'The Last Time I Committed Suicide' & 'Big Fish'. Fight Club could even fall in this category. Why?
There's something about depression that i find comforting, like putting on a worn-in pair of skate sneakers. Buddhists say life is suffering. Just being aware of what's going on around us is enough to cause anyone to be depressed: war, starvation, disease, a democracy turning into a fascist regime. Compassion quickly turns to sadness with open eyes.
The acknowledgement of this state of emotion is to reveal the often hidden root in all of us as human beings. Dwelling on this without a sense of optimism, without the belief that things can be improved, might lead to a lot more Cure album sales but it won't get you out of bed in the morning. This belief in potential is what keeps us going, what keeps us looking. It's the carrot dangling at the end of a stick that keeps us asses moving forward, progressing.
Even complaining in and of itself shows some sense of hope. You wouldn't waste your breath unless at some level, in that grey matter swooshing around in your skull, you believed that you could change things. It displays that deep down (sometimes VERY deep down) you have some sense of hope that change can occur.
Art does all of this. It gives us hope and reminds us who we are when our everyday lives give us a sense of amnesia. It re-charges our batteries on car rides home. It lulls us securely to sleep. It can change the entire mood of a room. This is why i love art.
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