i now realize that the very reason i love skateboarding so is also what has been causing me to avoid those flowing playgrounds built just for me. Skateboarding has always been something i do for myself. It is a very personal thing for me. Rolling around on that board i feel more 'right' than i do most of the time.
One of the many things that brought me to skating was that i did not need anyone else to do it. i did not need to gather up a team. i did not have to find an opponent. No one else's abilities or lack there of had any influence on my skating. Skateboarding is for me, by me, of me. No scores, no leagues, no parents, no fans. The rest of the world just fades into the background and disappears from thought as i glide smoothly around, bearings hissing.
Municipalities never seem to understand skateboarding. They think it is some fringe activity practiced by the very few. Cities and towns consistently build skateparks far too small for their communities. Skateparks are typically the most used parks in a given area. They are constantly inhabited from opening to close.
And this is my problem. i am an antisocial skate punk who rides my board as a release. A release from everyday problems. A release from work. A release from the chaos of a world much more screwed up than any of my aging joints battered from decades of skating. But i cannot quite find that release as easily at the local skateparks.
Maybe i am that dog that cannot pee if its walker is watching. Possibly i am like the narrator in Fight Club who cannot cry at therapy meetings when Marla is around. Standing, waiting for my turn to ride kills the momentum for me. Standing atop a crowded obstacle looking for the opportunity to drop in seems counter-productive to my attempt to escape the world. Standing, standing, standing, all that standing when i want to be rolling.
All those eyes watching, not because they care how i skate but because they need to watch to see where they can get their turn. Waiting your turn, being observed, social interaction... all this is what i am trying to escape from when i take out my board and cities have just figured out some way to force that all back into skating.
But i will not stop skating and i will never, ever think negatively of my skateboarding brothers (and sisters) down at the park. In order to keep skateboarding burning in my soul, however, i must find a different way.
Perhaps it is time for me to bring back a ritual i have not practiced in many years. Perhaps it is time to resume midnight skate sessions. At night while the rest of the population sleeps the world becomes yours for the taking. Hell, i am old now and may not be as able as i once was to run away from cops but i am in a little better a position to pay tickets than i was as a teenager.
i have found Animal Chin many times before. i think it is about time i start searching again.
