General Admission

If only the world was more like the floor of a punk show.

Sometimes things in the pit can get a little out of control, a little hectic. Too much going on, people doing what they should not, folks losing perspective of their surroundings. Lately life has been feeling a lot like this.

At the show i know what to do. i know how to get myself a little space. i spread my steel-toed stance to shoulder width apart. Start with some leans. If more is warranted more is given. An increased force on me is countered with the exertion of greater force.

An escalation taken to the necessary levels of the situation at hand. Some elbows. Next, arms alternating high thrusted elbows to fully extended fists. Maybe 'the helicopter' with arms swinging in circles as i pogo. If extreme situations call for it then the classic crouched over, high-knees, high-elbows gets brought out with the occasional boot-stomp, kick-out thrown into the rhythm.

Always get my space. Always get my relief.

But unfortunately life is not a punk show. i am struggling to get some space, to get some air. The world is not allowing me the room i currently need.

All along the punk floor there are no apologies and everyone understands. But this is not standing room only, this is society so consider this my 'sorry' to anyone who catches an elbow in the near future. i am just trying to work myself up a little room.

All i Want For Christmas

*Have not seen one in a while? Hey, i did one a day for a month in October. i needed rest.*

With all this family time surrounding thanksgiving there was bound to be plenty of fodder for moments of enlightenment, or at least exemplars to rant about. Over this extended holiday weekend too much family, too much television, too much reading, and just plain too much thinking (with a little tattoo planning thrown in) brought about one reoccurring theme: the human race - inherently good or inherently bad?

This all started with a conversation i was drawn into with members of my extended family. When asked i expressed my belief that given the opportunity, a majority of people will do bad things for selfish reasons every time. You can not count on people to do the right thing. i apparently think like my uncles. My own father was the most empassioned counter. He felt that most people are good and listed off occasions were people were taking care of their neighbors and offering generous aide.

i clarified my statement by elaborating on my specific choice of the word "majority". i do not feel that ALL people are bad. In fact i continued on to express how our very society exists and is able to continue on all due to that absolutely amazing minority of "good" people. You can not count on people to help you out, however, truly good people seem to end up where they are needed most. It is an incredibly overwhelming phenomenon. That "good" minority just seem to take care of us all, without comment, almost always without thanks, they do what they do. They are not represented in government, in media, or in any formal way. i find it infinitely beautiful and one of the few redeeming qualities of the human race.

i think i swayed the discussion as everyone started conjuring up situations where the right person seemed to end up where they were needed as i quietly left the room. i overheard the conversations even evolve into mention of careers where these type of people frequently end up working. Careers where kind services are performed. Careers, unfortunately, that also do not pay particularly well. Of course these people do what they do for a reason, for an ideal and that keeps them doing what they do while the other greedy majority take advantage of this passion and keep the wages low. i am sure you can list 5 such careers without much thought at all.

Driving from one family event to another i was sideswiped on the highway. As i finally came to rest in the highway median i watched the car that had hit me go into oncoming traffic sending numerous cars to scatter before it finally went off the road itself. Unfortunately the driver of the causing car must have had a medical issue and was most likely not conscious through the whole ordeal. Only one car pulled over to help. At least ten cars had to struggle to avoid the vehicle driving on the highway in the opposite direction and countless others travelled by our two vehicles damaged on the edges of the highway. One pulled over to help.

And what do you think this character, this good Samaritan was like? Of course he was kind, and gentle in nature, and the nicest random person you could expect to meet. Several times he expressed regret that he could not help out more than he had. Inspirational.

Did this happen to me because of the conversation i had or as punishment for my commentary on humanity? No. This happened because this stuff happens every day. People acted how they acted because this is how they act every day. (it did clearly support my hypothesis though... just saying)

We are lucky to have that kind minority!

As Copenhagen rapidly approaches and this planet's leaders get together for a couple of weeks to come up with a plan to save our species from our current climate crisis i keep thinking about what got us into this situation. Billions of people on a daily basis making the selfish choice, the easy choice, the wrong choice. The vehicle you choose to drive, the food you choose to eat, the products you choose to buy. This has caused us to go beyond the tipping point of climate change and has put the human race in a situation of best case suffering and worst case extinction.

Maybe seeing this and studying this on a daily basis caused me to say what i did at that family get together. Maybe it was just living on this planet for over 3 decades. Maybe it was because i am a punk monk. But no matter the reasons, i have seem beautiful things in the life of this planet including at times in the human race and i want to see those things continue on and to be able to continue to come about long after i take my last breath.

i hope, i pray, i wish that there will be enough "good" people at those meetings in Copenhagen to save us all. What a Christmas present that would be.

30

spring like temps
on all hallow's eve
where the warm wind removes
the few remaining leaves
they spin around
on the ground
making appropriately
spooky sounds
in the town that defines the scene

girls don their
slutty costumes
because just for one night
they are all allowed to
you can be
who you are
push up bra
painted scar
in the town that defines the scene

29

the nuclear promise was
nothing but a lie

the weapon to end wars
just started a whole bunch more

a new way to make energy
turned into the most dangerous waste

we're a bunch of bald monkeys
running an unending arms race

28

my soul's still
when i'm rolling on a board

the sound of spinning bearings
silences all sound

there's absolutely no point
and no one keeps score

i don't care if i land it
or just fall to the ground

27

i'm tired of my heart
and my fists

i get too worked up
over meaningless shit

but until other people
begin to stand up

i'll be the one saying
enough is enough
...
i've seen too much
with these blue eyes

i'm tired of watching kids
sent off to die

they're not fighting for oil
or someone's freedom fries

they are fighting,
just trying to stay alive
...
the storms come
and then the storms go

while the rich watch on tv
the poor lose their homes

politicians will delay
until judgement day

but they don't know
that it was yesterday
...
to take pills
or cry myself to sleep

am i strong willed
or am i just as weak

i suppose either way
you can say what you say

'cause i'm stuck with myself
at the end of the day

26

fuck baby boomers
those selfish over-consumers

the Beatles were a pop boy-band
the Beetle was a shitty tin can

you're economy rapers
10 years from wearing diapers

i don't care if you sit in your shit
because i'm sick and tired of dealing with it

you had your boom and you had your bang
and you'll all move to Florida when you're old and lame

but you'll be perched on your retirement home's rooves in your baseball hats and jeans
as the melting glaciers make Florida look like 2005 New Orleans

25

all things
yield to love

both hell below
and heaven above

the depths of space
and the limits of time

the future ahead
and the past behind

after my breath is gone
and my cells are undone

me and my love
will still be as one

24

your pathetic attempt to imitate
beat poetry to sell jeans
does not impress me

soda companies pretending
that people jumping into fountains are original
has not sold me

your use of underground iconography
to sell sneakers
will not work on me

the counter-culture has
and always will
remain free

23

the heels shift your weight
just right
causing your lower back
to arch so,
forcing your ample breasts
and firm buttocks
to both thrust upward

your pale skin
working to highlight
your jet black hair
and supple lips
painted bright red

each step a graceful stretch
as your entire body undulates,
hips swaying with the precision
of a pendulum
hair bobbing at your shoulders
as you go

your eyes almost make me want to believe
that what they are saying
is the truth...

...and then you opened your mouth
all that practice and poise
all that seduction
gone in a sentence

22

why should i have to pretend
to be happy when a cop hands me a ticket?

why should i have to pretend
that i have ANY respect for my boss?

why should i have to pretend
that i don't like to swear?

why should i have to pretend
that i am not horny 90% of the time?

why should i have to pretend
that weed is bad but beer is good?

why should i have to pretend
that adulthood is any less fucked-up than childhood?

why should i have to pretend
that you are not an asshole?

why should i have to pretend
that i don't like to make-pretend anymore?

21

my eyes suddenly lose the ability to focus. although this would be great for viewing those ridiculous 3D optical illusion pictures that they used to sell in malls everywhere during the 90's this does not fair well for visual based human navigation. light sources cause spots in my vision as if someone had just woken me up with a bright flashlight. i try to keep myself calm but i know what inevitably is to come. no this is not a stroke. if it were then doctors would know what to do about this. but they don't. i try to relax. if i can i close my eyes. after an hour of more of this short circuit in my optical function phase 2 sets in. part of my face goes numb. as with Novocaine i feel that everyone must see the effects of my lazy face but upon looking in the mirror i realize that there are no outward signs. i suffer alone. undetected. the numbness eventually spreads to one of my arms. motion in the arm becomes sensationless and labored as if i had fallen asleep on it. more scary than the lack of sensation is the knowledge of what is to come. feeling always returns before the onset of the excruciating mind pains. headaches so bad i can not even tell where exactly they are coming from in my skull. even my teeth and ear canals seem to hurt. nothing can be done except a shutdown hoping that things will return to normal when i finally reboot.

20

sometimes i need to be reminded
sometimes we all need to be reminded
that we all really want the same things

to feel like we belong
to feel like we are not alone
to feel like others feel like we do

but too often
everyday things get in the way
everyday desires get in the way

without artists to remind us who we are
i fear would would quickly forget
and lose ourselves forever

19

yard owners of the world UNITE
follow your dog walking neighbors home
mark the locations on google earth
and get out the raisin bran

as that fiber works it's magic
review your map markings
and pay your neighbors a visit,
make no effort to clean up after yourself