The more i examined the sometimes heated back and forth between these groups of friends that i have counted on in difficult times, something began to surface that has helped me understand how we all can be compassionate in one situation and then painfully harsh in the next. The answer, it seems, lies in circles.
As human beings we draw circles around what we view as "our world". For varying reasons the diameter of the circles can be vastly different and can even change for each individual over time. How we care for and view those inside versus those outside of our circles determines how we make decisions and even judge situations.
For some, the circle is drawn around their family. This is how people we know can make great sacrifices for their family and would do anything for them, yet might curse a perceived "moocher class" who are relying on food stamps to feed their families. This is how caring parents can spew hateful comments about refugees trying to save their own families from war. Inside versus out.
Regularly seen is the individual whose circle moves a bit broader to include friends. You may see a guy quick to get into a fight to defend his friend's honor at the bar but who will then enjoy watching a comedian who uses racial stereotypes to get a laugh. Or the girl who will jump up in someone's face because they called her friend fat yet will body shame women walking down the red carpet on TV. In its most extreme cases this particular circle is what can allow soldiers who in normal civilian life are incapable of putting out mouse traps to kill pests, to actively shoot and kill on the battlefields to help defend and preserve the life of themselves and their brothers in arms.
These circles can engulf your town - giving to school fundraisers while voting down state's education budgets; your state - celebrating government funding for your local shipyard while calling another state's bridge project a waste of taxpayer money; and even your country - calling for safe working conditions and fair wages while buying goods made overseas in horrible conditions. Secondary circles can even frequently (and unfortunately) be drawn around political parties, race, and sex.
Some draw that circle around our planet, championing the good of Earth while saying "fuck you" to those ass-hat lifeforms that may or may not inhabit Mars. Ok... nobody really does that, but if we do encounter life out in the universe besides us i may need to re-edit this line of thought.
Of course, i had to try and determine where my circle lies. Where did i draw my circle that allows me to call humanity a scourge on this planet and yet genuinely want everyone to be all right? i appear to have drawn my own circle somewhere around my brain. My whole body doesn't even make it into my circle. Being an intense introvert i regularly find myself battling the proverbial (if not intellectually boring) fight of mind versus body. Can't live with it, but can't live without it (yet).
Because of this i often feel alien and as though i am observing the rest of the world as an outsider. i can even have these feelings with my love and the closest of friends. Although i could go on to use this to explain all kinds of aspects of myself, for simplicity's sake i'll leave it summed up as this - viewing all life (even most of my own body) seemingly on an equal plane can lead me to want what is best for all, while also harboring a cold detachment in some of my decision making. (Allowing me to respect animals to the point of not eating any, yet also causing me to yell at SUV driving mums that "their selfish automobile style means that her grand-kids will be the last to enjoy human civilization")
So, this idea of us all having circles can help explain these inconsistencies and seeming hypocrisies, but how can we shift these circles? Just as there are many different sized circles there are going to be just as many different ways to adjust them. Anecdotally, i find traveling one of the best means of breaking down barriers. Get out of your town, city, state, and preferably country. Being out of your comfort zone and experiencing how other people live is always an incredibly humbling experience.
As bizarre as this may sound coming from an extreme introvert - meet more people. One on one i know that i have an extremely hard time hating anyone. Get out there and get some of the world on you.
i wonder, if i meet enough new and different people will i be able to shrink my circle to nothing more than a singular point. Maybe being able to destroy your circle is the path to oneness with the world. Time to get some more stamps in that passport.
As human beings we draw circles around what we view as "our world". For varying reasons the diameter of the circles can be vastly different and can even change for each individual over time. How we care for and view those inside versus those outside of our circles determines how we make decisions and even judge situations.
For some, the circle is drawn around their family. This is how people we know can make great sacrifices for their family and would do anything for them, yet might curse a perceived "moocher class" who are relying on food stamps to feed their families. This is how caring parents can spew hateful comments about refugees trying to save their own families from war. Inside versus out.
Regularly seen is the individual whose circle moves a bit broader to include friends. You may see a guy quick to get into a fight to defend his friend's honor at the bar but who will then enjoy watching a comedian who uses racial stereotypes to get a laugh. Or the girl who will jump up in someone's face because they called her friend fat yet will body shame women walking down the red carpet on TV. In its most extreme cases this particular circle is what can allow soldiers who in normal civilian life are incapable of putting out mouse traps to kill pests, to actively shoot and kill on the battlefields to help defend and preserve the life of themselves and their brothers in arms.
These circles can engulf your town - giving to school fundraisers while voting down state's education budgets; your state - celebrating government funding for your local shipyard while calling another state's bridge project a waste of taxpayer money; and even your country - calling for safe working conditions and fair wages while buying goods made overseas in horrible conditions. Secondary circles can even frequently (and unfortunately) be drawn around political parties, race, and sex.
Some draw that circle around our planet, championing the good of Earth while saying "fuck you" to those ass-hat lifeforms that may or may not inhabit Mars. Ok... nobody really does that, but if we do encounter life out in the universe besides us i may need to re-edit this line of thought.
Of course, i had to try and determine where my circle lies. Where did i draw my circle that allows me to call humanity a scourge on this planet and yet genuinely want everyone to be all right? i appear to have drawn my own circle somewhere around my brain. My whole body doesn't even make it into my circle. Being an intense introvert i regularly find myself battling the proverbial (if not intellectually boring) fight of mind versus body. Can't live with it, but can't live without it (yet).
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| Strange things are afoot at the Circle K |
Because of this i often feel alien and as though i am observing the rest of the world as an outsider. i can even have these feelings with my love and the closest of friends. Although i could go on to use this to explain all kinds of aspects of myself, for simplicity's sake i'll leave it summed up as this - viewing all life (even most of my own body) seemingly on an equal plane can lead me to want what is best for all, while also harboring a cold detachment in some of my decision making. (Allowing me to respect animals to the point of not eating any, yet also causing me to yell at SUV driving mums that "their selfish automobile style means that her grand-kids will be the last to enjoy human civilization")
So, this idea of us all having circles can help explain these inconsistencies and seeming hypocrisies, but how can we shift these circles? Just as there are many different sized circles there are going to be just as many different ways to adjust them. Anecdotally, i find traveling one of the best means of breaking down barriers. Get out of your town, city, state, and preferably country. Being out of your comfort zone and experiencing how other people live is always an incredibly humbling experience.
As bizarre as this may sound coming from an extreme introvert - meet more people. One on one i know that i have an extremely hard time hating anyone. Get out there and get some of the world on you.
i wonder, if i meet enough new and different people will i be able to shrink my circle to nothing more than a singular point. Maybe being able to destroy your circle is the path to oneness with the world. Time to get some more stamps in that passport.
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