DO or DIE

10 Things To Do To Prevent Our Extinction By Means Of Global Warming
or
A PunkMonk Manifesto

1) Turn shit off. Yeah your mum used to yell at you to turn off the lights when you left a room. Well this is a new century and you're not just reading comic books in your room with an incandescent bulb... you've got tv's, computers, and all kinds of electric shit you use now. When you are not using it, turn it off. No, not put it into sleep mode you lazy shitbird, SHUT IT DOWN. Off vs sleep mode is a HUGE difference in power consumption. i know, start up can take a minute or two but suck it up ADD boy. While you're waiting for it to come up do some sit-ups. Look, now we're fitting obesity too.

2) Unplug shit. i'm talking about your chargers. We all use them to charge up our iPods, our cell phones, our digital cameras, and all that other stuff. If nothing is attached to it, unplug it. The transformers (not the ones that turn into cars and shit, i'm taking about the box you plug into the wall) drain electricity to keep up the proper power just waiting for you to plug the other end in. Unplugging can stop the use of meaningless energy.

3) While we're at it... when all that shit mentioned in #2 is done charging... unhook them. When charging is done there is no benefit keeping them plugged in and they just keep using small amount to energy.

4) Alright, i'm done arguing about why you need an SUV. You've decided you need one so i guess we should deal with it. Keep your gas-sucker at the half tank mark or higher. Your car actually gets slightly better gas mileage on the full half of the tank than it does at the empty half. Yup, you are not going to be seeing 30mpg but every little bit helps. You also won't start crying as you fill the tank from empty and have to get approval for a charge over $75. With all those stops at gas stations you can pick up some of those little donut-ettes and an iced-tea. Don't forget to do those sit-ups in #1 though.

5)Edison was a bright guy inventing those light bulbs (ok, pun intended). It's been a while though and perhaps it's time you stopped using the same kind that he invented. i know, i know, they've come a long way with compact florescent bulbs but the light quality still makes me feel like i'm in some office. There are options. Halogen bulbs give off incredible light quality and are a significant energy improvement over incandescent. CFB's are better energy-wise than halogen if you don't mind the difference in light quality. Also, now coming on the market are new lines of LED bulbs. Incredible energy results and the clusters and lenses are putting out better light all the time.

6) No meat. i had to try. i know everyone's not going to go veg but if you just substitute a vegetarian meal for one of your meals a week it would make a difference. Come on... just ONE.

7) Recycle shit (yeah, it has been a few now since i last said shit). This should be easy since most municipalities have curb side recycling. i know, i know, you always take care of your empty Evian water bottles and your Pabst Blue Ribbon cans but lets think a little bigger. All your cardboard (think Teddy Grams), all your cans (corn nibblets), all your jars (Prego) can all be recycled. Rinse them out you lazy bastard. Also, take care of all that paper too. Companies are waiting in line to get your recyclables at the plant. It's much cheaper for them and help the Earth, be-yatch.

8) Use a dishwasher. A full dishwasher uses less water than cleaning all that shit in the sink. Less water also means less water-heating, meaning less energy used. Buy enough kitchenware to fill it you cheap bastard and wait until it's full to run it. i guess you can be a lazy bastard, i hate washing dishes anyway.

9) Buy Energy Star. Yup, next time you find yourself in one of those fun stores full of electronic shit (or appliances) make sure you pick one out with one of those little star stickers on it. Again, every little bit makes a difference.

10) Plant shit. Well, don't literally plant shit, unless you include seeds, them the shit might help it grow. We easily overlook that cutting down forests across the world is having as much of an effect as burning shit. Plant some trees, some bushes, something to help, something that breathes. Don't have a yard? Houseplants. They breath too. They'll also help with your indoor air quality.

There you have it. 10 tiny little things that will have almost no impact on your lifestyle yet will help get us started in dealing with climate change. You have no excuses. If everyone did these things it would indeed make quite a difference. If people got to see that it would help we could build momentum and realize that we can make quite a difference all by ourselves, with or without governments writing laws. Alright, one more time... shit (now i feel better).

Wood Chips

At what age should you stop trying stupid shit? Some may say 5, others may say never. i am 32 and to recap a few highlights of this year's 'trying stupid shit' (TSS) failures:

1) a new scar to add to the many that grace my ankles and shins from a less than successful landing on an attempted ollie shuvit up a gap at the indoor skatepark...

2) 3 cracked ribs earned while attempting to improve on my 1 goal a game streak in indoor soccer... while jumping to head a cross the goalie had other plans for me...

3) injured absolutely every part of my body after a saboteur over-waxed an inclined box i was attempting to slide my snowboard down, resulting in my feet completely slipping out from under me... my thigh, ass, and lower back hitting the box corner followed by my back, shoulders, and neck hitting the snow below... knocking the wind out of me...

Prior to this weekend's TSS i awoke twice during the night last week with my knee completely locked up and required a heating pad to straighten it out. i have bad knees due to genetics. i could baby them and possibly still be able to use them into old-age. Or, i could push them as hard as i can, possibly at the expense of ease-of-mobility if i survive to those grey haired years.

What good would walking around on shaky knees be as an old man if as i looked back i had no stories to tell. As i squint and grind my teeth in pain over the next few days every time i move anything more than my fingers i am constantly reminded (as i was by my brother who also fell) that i am still alive.

Now i'm not going to go all Evel Knievel (RIP), but their is a necessary balance. We have such a small amount of time here and i would hate to think that i had wasted it sitting on the couch. For now i'm going to make sure i get all the vitamins and mineral i need to heal up so i can try some more stupid shit (and thank God for heating pads and Advil).

Both Involve Boxes

Well, it appears there is an even split for favorite snow activity: Boarding and Fucking. An accident this weekend doing the former has meant that I will not be doing the latter for a little while.

This week's survey (to the right) makes me nervous.