This week's rant brought to you by the Dodge Hemi - when you feel the need to celebrate cutting edge 1903 piston technology in 2020.
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Starting a new chapter in the 1 Punk Monk blog, to better serve your quarantine needs i will be providing you with a weekly rant. Every Monday you can check in on the shittiest day of the week during the shittiest year (2020) to be entertained and aim that frustration towards something that truly deserves it. Oh sweet cathartic release. It only seems right that the first instalment be in defense of our own personal savior this horrific year: Baby Yoda!
A small but disproportionately vocal group (pretty on brand for America 2020) has been losing their shit over Baby Yoda (The Child) eating the eggs of Frog Lady (S2, E2 of The Mandalorian). Hardly an internet story regarding the episode is safe from either the mention of, or filled comment thread regarding, B.Y.'s choice of dining. The incremental infiltration of Karens (and Kevins) into the Star Wars fan base since Disney's buyout has been a painful rise of the Empire and is in need of our Rebel Scum's retaliation.
To those complaining about Baby Yoda swallowing slimy future frog-people whole, i lead with the question: what the fuck did you eat for breakfast? What food do you celebrate Birthdays with? As the holidays approach, which type of nog will you be drinking on Life Day? i'm betting there's a lot of "EGG" in your ingredient listings cake-boy! In trying to understand the width of the thought divergence you maintain, my follow up question is: if instead of chickens being kept far from your site as their beaks are burnt off, the male chicks are ground up alive (deemed useless), they are overcrowded in "factory" conditions and the whole process ending with their murder before they've left chicken "childhood" - if instead the chickens carried their eggs around in backpacks out in public, THEN would you stop eating eggs? i envision many of these folks being the same people who call for the ending of the practice of dogs as a food source in parts of Asia, all because the deluded individual has bonded with the thoroughly inbred, developmentally stunted relative of wolves whom they've enslaved in their home to have as an unconditional friend (which is actually the Stockholm Syndrome all pets experience).
Flying faster than the Millennium Falcon during the Kessle Run passed the acknowledgement that THIS IS ALL MADE UP ANYWAY -that little fucker Baby Yoda has been eating frogs alive, bone soup, and who knows what the hell else. None of that has bothered you, but NOW, when he's teased with that glowing jar, left sitting like a tiny drunk at the bar just before last call eying those pickled eggs (why the fuck do so many bars have pickled eggs... maybe a topic for another rant), suddenly you are outraged by his flavor pallet? Maybe frog people eat Baby Yoda eggs too and this is just the circle of life. Maybe Baby Yoda is training for a big fight against the outer rim's version of Apollo Creed and needs the extra raw eggs in his workout, otherwise Mickey will start yelling at him (either the mouse or the trainer version of Mickey works here... lady's choice). Or maybe, some animals just eat fucked up stuff. When was the last time you stopped your cat from eating a frog? Those little fur balls are responsible for neighborhood level bird genocide.
If i haven't lost you already, here's where it happens because now is where i get political... it's 2020 and how can i not. For the last 4 years democrats have been quick to point out how ignorant and heartless the members of the Cult of Comrade Pussy Grabber are (which they are) but i can render nearly any one of them into a nearly equal state of consciousness with the uttering of 3 simple words: I AM VEGAN. The stupid shit that ejaculates from their food holes will be as intellectually challenged as anything you've heard during the Daily Show's covering of Trump rallies (but bacon tastes good).
So this vegan laughed their ass off every time that puppet ate a CGI egg in absolute defiance of Papa Mando! Maybe if more of those who have been commenting in S2 E2 threads had been eaten by future Jedis while still in fetal form the internet, our country, and the species would be operating at a higher level.
