How To Destroy Dr Seuss In Two Easy Steps

Nothing is sacred. From the lives of great artists like Kerouac i came to believe that you are better off having your work acknowledged after your death rather than having to deal with the difficulties success can bring surrounding your creative outlets. Unfortunately, it appears that your art can also be bastardized once you are no longer around to maintain it's integrity.



i grew up on Dr. Seuss. i am quite a fan of the man. Currently, his work is being destroyed. How can someone who's become such an icon be so compromised? Simple, and it all starts with Jim Carey. First: the Grinch. They had to pad this story with songs just to stretch it into a seasonal cartoon. The Seuss himself oversaw it and it became a classic.



A few years ago someone (we all know who Cunningham) decided to turn it into a full-length movie. How do you turn a short children's book into a feature length movie? You add insulting side stories to fill time. How do you ruin it even more? Hire a complete HAM to play the leading role.
***

Well, there are lots of Seuss classics out there and Christmas has been abused so many times before that it's grown a thick skin from all that scar tissue. Sure all too many a cheese-ball valedictorian have included "Oh, the places we will go..." into their pathetic graduation speeches but we still have the Lorax and good olde Horton... oh no... not you Horton!
***

Yes, terror attack number two, Jim Carey has his sites on destroying yet another Dr. Seuss character. He has teamed up with the Pixar wanna-be's who created 'Ice Age' to drag the most peaceful of all Seuss characters down into the gutter. They are making a movie based on 'Horton Hears A Who'. Blasphemy! Are there so few people in Hollywood with original ideas that they continuously stoop to the level of 're-imagining' creative people's ideas. If you work in the movie industry but have not one creative bone in your body, change careers and become a movie critic. Stop destroying movies with pathetic re-makes and stop trying to convert children's books that can be read in ten minutes into hour and a half long movies.
***

Jim Carey has now joined the ranks of Celine Dion in my book: the fact that they are inhaling oxygen somewhere on this planet at this moment bothers me to no end. Fuck... not Horton man, not Horton...

It Approaches...

Alright, as i near the 200th entry i figured i'd do something similar to numero 100. Rather than recommending topics, i'm looking for a specific person to rant about. i'll pic my favorite recommendation for entry number 200. Comment in your picks.

Boy Bands

Well it appears that 'NSYNC is the least favorite boy band of 1punkmonk visitors. You seem to like New Kids On The Block, The Beatles, and The Sex Pistols equally. Ah, boy bands never lose their fans.

i will attempt to start a new survey every monday to help you get through that sad, sad little day. Oh monday, monday.

Good-bye Everybody!

If i was a Simpsons character and i worked at the nuclear power plant and i tucked in my shirt and i wore dress shoes this is what i'd look like.

The Simpsons Movie was exactly what you would expect. Kind of like three episodes in one. There where funny points and expected points and boring points but very enjoyable overall.

Some moments seemed like i have seen them in episodes before. Of course they never fail to impress with great one-liners. i am very glad they did not tone back the political commentary.

It was an enjoyable way to escape the summer heat for a few hours. i wish i could stop humming 'Spider Pig'.

The Silly Straw and the Serious Scarecrow

Yeah, i'm simply amused and yeah, i spend too much time and money at Dunkin' Donuts. The last two double D's i've gone to have had the best in straw selections. They now have pink straws with purple stripes (Dunkin' Donut's official colors for those not in the know).

These straws have made me extremely happy. Straws are a frequently overlooked opportunity to impress you customers. i once frequented a pseudo-Italian eater that had great all black straws. Eventually they switched to regular straws, probably to save money for the bottom line, which was a starting point for a series of subtle changes to save money which ultimately has led to me no longer eating there.

Morale: people who care about their straws care about their customers.

The Smell of Safety

Driving down to my favorite indoor skate park i ended up behind a car (SUV of course) with the license plate 'LV2GLF'. Holy shite is the first thought to come to mind. This guy is so obsessed with this elitist so-called sport which destroys wilderness areas and pollutes our rivers and groundwater supplies with excessive amounts of fertilizers and pesticides just to keep grass green and lush enough for old white yuppies to walk after white balls that they themselves hit. Oh how i love run-on sentences.

But, before i had time to build up to a proper level of road-rage i pictured the back of my car with the various skateboarding related stickers that adorn the rear-end of my 'whip'. How many people have passed by my vehicle and thought: "that damn skate punk, defacer of our beautiful concrete and asphalt, knocking over elderly women who are just trying to cross the road, having more fun with a rolling piece of wood in a parking lot than i have watching football on Monday nights". See, everyone likes to think in run-on sentences.

It all seemed so clear at that moment. Me and this guy are both just at the receiving end of people's prejudice surrounding the activities we enjoy so much that we openly display them on our modes of transportation. The only difference is i spend my leisure time partaking in a creative art form while he spends his leisure time hitting things with clubs. Also, he chooses to get to his golf course in a climate changing SUV and i go to my skate spot in a morally conscious hybrid.

Come to think of it... why do skaters get treated like developly challenged misfits of society? i guess that's how artists have always been treated and skateboarding is not a sport, it's an art form. We've all got our preconceived notions of who people are because of the things they choose to do. Some are justified, some are not. Either way, road rage is instant fun but not so good for the blood pressure (or marital relations).

i wonder who's equipment smelt worse at the end of that day: his golf glove or my knee and elbow pads?