Who Do You Think You're Fooling?

i'm far beyond overtired but this couldn't wait and no one is awake to tell so this is what i've got. Late night commercials could be a blog site unto themselves. This one ranks right among the top tier of them all.

They were selling an in-home, counter-top herb growing machine. It showed families gathering around this unit and even dining with it at the kitchen table, pulling lettuce right out of the contraption an adding it to their meals. The commercial mentioned how you can grow HUNDREDS of dollars worth of HERBS without soil and with very little maintenance.

It was white plastic and aerodynamic keeping in line with the ever popular late night product of choice the George Foreman Grill. It looks like someone took the grill top, put it up on arms, and put a UV light in it. The bottom is like the grill bottom just deeper. In the ad it claims no soil. You just put water in the bottom and place herb canisters in the tray.

All right, let me just review these "family" growing marketing points. No soil, just water. In other words: hydroponic. Best for growing hundreds of dollars worth of "herbs". Easy, compact, indoor system for year round use. ANYBODY can use it.

i'm guessing the marketing department who came up with this add are also the folks who market Zig-Zags for rolling your own "cigarettes". i predict college males will be the largest demographic ordering these infomercial goodies. i don't know too many "families" up watching late night commercials.

This reminds me of the turn of the century "female massagers" they used to market for women. Tell people what they want to hear, or something they can CHOOSE to believe, and they leave those IN THE KNOW be.

Cool To Uncool In 60 Seconds

Sunglasses. Great protection from UV rays and good at preventing both cataracts & crow's feet (if you're into that kind of thing). On top of all that, most people look a little cool out in the sun wearing sunglasses. With your eyes hidden you are mysterious and tough to read. People watching becomes infinitely easier as well.

And then, the switch: inevitably you find yourself in a situation where you now no longer need the sunglasses. Possibly you went indoors. Maybe the sun has set. Maybe a solar eclipse? Whatever the reason you find yourself faced with a difficult decision: what to do about the sunglasses?

You can leave them on. You know that guy who wears his sunglasses inside? Don't be that guy. He's always hanging out with the guy who wears the band t-shirts to the the band's concert.

You can pivot them around your ears and rest them on top of your head. Girls pull this off quite nicely. Guys who attempt this look like they should have a white sweater tied around their neck. Gentlemen, leave this to the ladies.

You can take them off your head and wear them on the back of your neck. Who the fuck came up with this one? This should only be attempted is your neck is red and should accompany either a backwards NASCAR hat or visor of any type.

You can close the arms and hang them off the neck of your shirt. This works alright and is quite handy but it makes you look like you're trying too hard.

You can just hold them in your hand. Your hands are meant to do stuff so tying one up just holding sunglasses seems counterproductive.

Lastly, you can put them in your pocket. My pockets are frequently crowded places to begin with so placing something as valuable and prone to scratching as sunglasses in them poses all kinds of dangerous risks. Is that a glass's case in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

See, there is just no good option, except maybe getting someone else to hold them.

Big Wheels Keep On Turnin'

Before i forget, i saw possibly the greatest marketing of a truck i have ever seen in my life. It was a Kohler 18 wheeler and taking up the entire side of the trailer was a gigantic picture of an attractive woman bathing in a Kohler tub. Genius! That's using your product line. i wonder how many accidents that has caused? What does Victoria's Secret use for transportation?

Grinding Gears

Ah, music to keep you together through it all. After having it in my head for the entire morning yesterday i finally got home and got to put on Mussorgsky. i think i enjoy Russian classical music so much because it's passionate, hard-ass, and always has an undertone of sadness. My favorite is the "Promenade" segments from "Pictures at an Exhibition".

Not only does it have all those great attributes of Russian music but it signifies the sensation, the feeling of walking. Walking from one picture to another in a museum or just walking in general, however you want to enjoy and use it. i so enjoy just wandering and this is the perfect piece for just that. Just walking can be equally as expressive as any piece of music or artwork. It can easily be tweaked to work for your mood.

Once the disc was done it switched, automatically, to the next disc in the player which happened to be the Descendents. Classical to punk, only separated by the grinding of gears. That's what keeps me going.

Today i got thinking about the recently reunited (for now) Rage Against the Machine. i remember seeing them for the first time opening up for Quicksand. What an amazing line-up, and on Halloween none the less. Everyone knows of Rage by now but too few know about the headliner Quicksand. If you don't know about them you should check them out. Most likely many of the bands you listen too today know who they are. Quite influential for their short existence.

The second time i saw Rage was when they were the opening act for Lollapalooza. Me and my friends made sure to make the big trek early so that we could see them play. Those of us there to witness them made up less than 1/8th of the audience that would later inhabit the old airfield that day. No more than half of us where cheering between songs. What a difference a decade makes.

Passionate music... that's the stuff for me. No matter the genre, no matter the tempo.

A Not So Gentle Ribbing

i'm glad my ribs are still cracked, the pain gives me something to focus on. Keeps idiots from getting hit. Now i understand why certain sects of monks torture themselves to avoid temptations.

Unfortunately working hard in this world just means that someone else will fuck things up for you. Can you tell this is my last week before vacation?

And while i'm at it, why can't grocery stores have what i need? One has the nice vegan treats but no everyday food-type-stuff. The other has some of the regular food-type-stuff you need but are usually out of at least one of the things you need. Finally that last one has that last thing you need but not much of the other stuff. Why do urban supermarkets have such a difficult time keeping what you need properly stocked? That is money they are losing.

No bread at one, no bananas at the other. How do you have no bananas? Checking out i saw why: in front of me was a guy with ALL THE BANANAS (shit's bananas). It looked like he had all the vanilla ice cream and paper towels too. He told the cashier he ran a Smoothie Shop. Nice planning there Rockefeller, that can't be the most cost effective way to stock your shop.

Hearing the words Smoothie Shop makes me think of something else... although it's probably as disappointing as the topless donut shop. What a let down. How can you go wrong with boobs and donuts? Again, oh so disappointing. That digressed as drastically as an episode of the Simpsons. Where did i start out again? i sleep in a drawer.

*Wow, this was entry number 151... full of useless shite aren't i...