This week's rant brought to you by the Porsche Taycan Turbo, because even though there's no combustion engine in it (hence no turbocharger installed) this heritage car company still insists on badging their electric car a Turbo.
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Hallelujah is not a fucking Christmas song!!! Based on right wing politicians claiming to like Rage Against The Machine, i realize that a lot of people don't listen to a song's actual lyrics. Countless brides requesting the stalker theme song "Every Breath You Take" be played at their weddings only cements this unfortunate human flaw. i'll save "Baby It's Cold Outside" for an entire holiday rant of its own... those are some of the most fucked up lyrics i've ever heard, and that's saying a lot because i love the song "Bullet" by the Misfits (the phrase "masturbate me" does get uttered in this song about presidential assassination).
Leonard Cohen's beautiful classic "Hallelujah" was not written in praise of any god, nor was it his attempt to cash in on the capitalist circle jerk known as Christmas. So how has a song, so overtly sexual, written in 12/8 time, and released back in 1984 to ZERO fanfare become a holiday single for the new millennium? i'm going to mostly blame the shitty children's movie Shrek. The bizarrely out of place use of the song in the blockbuster movie about Austin Powers as a green monster seems to be the source of many people's first exposure to the tune.
Leonard Cohen is a Canadian treasure. More people should be celebrating his incredible musical career. The only thing darker than his booming deep voice are his lyrics and song themes. Hearing Christmas Mass Choirs sing (off tune) these moving lyrics celebrating the throws of orgasm almost makes me embrace the irony of the situation, but Christianity has exerted so much power attempting to destroy any concept of healthy sex in our society that i cannot stand idly by as they (even humorously) take any part of this incredible song. One of the most sexually repressive and abusive institution on the planet should not be gospelizing with one of the most colorful tales of 'the little death' ever sung.
i am going to conclude with an equally important issue surrounding "Hallelujah": there are only 2 acceptable versions of the the song. The version by the writer himself - Leonard Cohen, and the transcending version by Jeff Buckley - which is one of the most perfect recordings of music ever captured. All other versions should be destroyed, and since both Cohen and Buckley are deceased, there should be no live performances of the song by anyone EVER.
You can disagree with me on this but know that you are wrong and i WILL definitely fight you over this opinion. This most definitely is a hill i will die on. Say what you want now, but go listen to Jeff Buckley's version while laying in a dark room, with candles lit, played on vinyl through a decent sound system - and you will join me on that hill fighting until your last breath... after you have dried your tears.
As a BONUS this week i'm giving you possibly the best Christmas Cover Song EVER, click the link below and enjoy!
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