Jackass'd

Holy fuck (well, you can't really have fuck without a hole right)!!! i saw 'Jackass Two' today and all i can really say is holy fuck. At least i no longer want to throw up. i wonder how many times this weekend some poor teenager earning minimum wage will have to clean up vomit from theater floors.

i'll start in chronological order and try not to spoil it for anyone who hasn't seen it yet. For you movie trailer junkies out there (as oppose to trailer trash) the fun starts early with one of the greatest movie trailers ever, it cold-cocked me. Quite a surprise and the movie hadn't even started yet. There was also a new Sam Jackson movie trailer with Christina Riche looking very Susan Surandon-ish. Not too sure about that one though, there was no purple lightsaber to be seen.

From the opening scene the audience was losing their shit. i love watching movies on opening weekend. You never get the crowd experience like the one you get on opening weekend. As the opening sequence went on you could tell the crowd felt it was a bit fake until you see the out-takes during the end credits. Poor little WeeMan.

Oh the laughs, the instinctive verbal ejaculations beyond any individual's control, the gut holds, and the spastic limbs in reaction to the physical pain our random heros were enduring. About halfway through the movie i began to think that this has got to be one of the funniest movies i have ever seen... and then something went wrong... terribly wrong. It involves Pontius and a horse and i never recovered as the movie progressed and continued down a scary, scary path. At one point, as things went on, a few of the guys diagonally behind me started gagging.

Sitting through the entire movie without throwing up is a feat worthy of the movie itself. Don't get me wrong, i am extremely glad i went to the movie but my post-movie dinner plans had to be post-poned for an hour or so as my stomach needed time to settle. i'd treat this movie like a soccer game: no eating large meals two hours before start time. It's probably the closest i've come to puking since 1997 but my record still stands. That is, unless they make a 'Jackass Three'. God save us all if that ever happens.