Do Not Push

To keep things balanced... we are watching you!

Yes, you with the backwards cap showing off your loyalty to the local baseball team. You with the cheesy t-shirt bearing the image of something "safe", referencing something the masses will recognize but will also insinuate that you "like to party". That t-shirt that you wear extra loose to help hide the gut that is slowly growing because since your college days the beer just seems to go straight to your spare tire.

Yes, you with the basketball shorts on. They are just polyester mini sweatpants you know. But i am sure they are comfortable for all that sitting on the couch you do. Or wait, perhaps you wear those new trendy checkered, plaid shorts. Yes, those stylish ones that your girl picked out for you. The ones all the ex-frat boys are wearing on the golf courses.

Yes, you with the overpriced sandals bought at your mall store of choice. Corona-chic? Again, your girl probably told you they looked good. You and your girl probably paired up pretty quick after college. You knew that without all the allure of the frat house girls stopping by may become pretty few and far between. She knew that every day after college she was going to get fatter and uglier and realized she needed to pair up while she still had some appeal.

Yes, you who walk most of your life on your wife's leash through grocery stores and shopping plazas. Then, suddenly when you are out with your "boys" you start thinking you have got a pair of balls, even though they are really still in your girl's purse. Yes, you.

We are watching you. We do not like to fight but be mindful, because we are not afraid to when need be, when the time comes. We have more experience at it than you do. We have had to, for we are always outnumbered by the mindless, brainwashed bullies such as yourself. We can take at least three times the beating you can. Do you have the stamina? We never stop.

We stand for something while you fall for everything. We are small in number but you always underestimate us. We are always there, you know who we are. We have tattoos you do not understand. We wear clothes that you think are stupid but will eventually end up wearing ten years later when the mall starts carrying imitations.

This is not a manifesto. This is not a warning. This is just a friendly reminder. The universe constantly strives to balance itself. We are not here to try and take over. We are here to ensure that balance.

We are watching you.