i have a very gentle, peaceful soul, but i was also born with an angry, energetic mind. The daily attempt to balance the punk and the monk. Maybe it's a gene, maybe it's in how i was raised. Maybe my sense of compassion is also what makes me so upset, having to see the bad things that seem to happen to good beings. Maybe i'm just an ass.
Today i received some difficult news, difficult news after a lengthy, ongoing struggle. The rest of the day i just wanted to punch someone. There are plenty of people who probably deserve a punch and i was ready to hit any and all of them. People in pick-ups who can't stay on their side of the road. Women who can't drive for 5 minutes without calling someone on their cellphones. i unfortunately had to stop at the mall and in my brief venturing was asked by 4 different people if i wanted to start a cellphone plan with them. No one would have minded much if i had broken any one of their noses with my forehead. Some probably would have cheered. i wanted to go into Lenscrafters and pull that pretentious employee over the counter and beat him down Jay & Silent Bob style.
i even contemplated amending my previous O.U.P. campaign (see earlier posts) with the idea of everyone getting one free punch in any situation. If someone's being a problem or even just wearing their baseball hat too high on their head you get one free-bee. Understand, however that they get one free-bee back. So long as you only throw one punch (contact made or not) there would be no ramifications. That might keep people pretty on the ball and more thoughtful about the people around them. At the very least people would be more aware of what's going on around them... or be black and blue all the time.
My gentle soul was powerful enough today to keep me from hitting anyone but it made me realize that anger, unto itself, is not a bad thing. In fact it can be very important for our own survival. Like all things it serves a purpose and is only negative if used in a negative way.
Upon hearing discouraging news i could have broken down into a depression, i could have cried, i could have lost hope. Although these too serve a purpose in some situations, none of these would have been very helpful in today's trial. Instead i got angry and that anger got me moving and that anger got me doing things. That anger was a release of frustration. Most importantly, that anger kept me going. It reminded me of the wilderness survival books i've read describing how getting yourself angry can help temporarily warm you up if you find yourself wandering in the cold.
That anger carried me through and i'm glad i have it. That gentleness in my soul kept me from hitting anyone and i'm also glad i have it.
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