Hugs

i am using this time of year where we are constantly getting together with friends and family on what seems like a daily basis to improve my public hugging. Yes this sounds silly and simple but this is truly a subtlety that needs some adjusting.

You see, i do not come from a physically affectionate family. The minimal physical contact experienced as a youngster revolved around trying to dodge older female extended family members from trying to kiss me on the cheek or getting hit. Hugs, for me, only really came into my life as i started to have "relationships" with members of the opposite sex. As far as that goes i think i am quite accomplished. i can pull off those types of hugs no problem. i even enjoy them.

It's those other types of hugs. The friendly, more than just a hand-shake hugs you exchange with friends and family members. i still struggle with these... hence my decision to practice this holiday season.

What i have such trouble with is the sense of "i'm making full body contact with you but am not either a) trying to knock you to the ground; b) trying to get WITH you; or c) trying to knock you to the ground so i can get WITH you. i guess my problem is that somewhere along the way in my fucked-up childhood i became programmed with the concept that touching is only allowed for fighting or sex.

So as i practice my 'friendly hugging' this yule time season, please bare with me if from time to time i may freeze up expecting a punch or try to mount you like a dog in heat. It's all in the spirit of self improvement.