The Big 5-0

This is it, the 50th entry. The entry based on your feedback, your comments. After looking them over and spending hour contemplating the importance of each i decided to go with the recommended topic: "Deez nutz". My personal nuts of choice are pistachios. As a child i remember having to split open the dyed red nuts which left my fingertips sore and my hands red, not to mention the effect the red dye had on my developing digestive track. Thankfully with the progresses in nut technology pistachios now can be purchased de-shelled allowing for a faster consumption time. Because of this one time as a poor, starving college student with no food left i ate a whole bag in one sitting resulting in several nasty canca-sores and upset intestines. Kids: don't try this at home.

Come on now... did you really think that would be the Big 5-0? i contemplated "Yo Mama!" but didn't want to give away too much personal information online for fear of pedafiles (do they still go after people in their 30's? Senators and Representatives scare me although now i know why they're always kissing babies). i also wasn't sure if they meant my mama or their mama. Quite confusing actually.

The other two i will write about, the first now, the latter later (those two words look good together).

"Authority and answering to others": In case you haven't noticed while reading entries here, i have a more than healthy distaste for authority. i am stubbornly independent, a trait that has helped me survive and excel in my idealistic lifestyle. It has, admittedly, probably kept me from achieving a few traditional benchmarks in life but i am far from traditional, don't care for such things, was aware of it at each turn, and have no regrets.

This lack of respect for authority also means that i do not believe in or have any heros. There are many people who have inspired me, however, and most of them did not think much of answering to others as well. My two favorite literary movements: The Beat Movement and the Transcendental Movement before them spoke frequently about this subject. As a teen the thought of anarchy seemed attractive until i realized that most people can't be trusted to do the right thing.

H.D. Thoreau and R.W. Emerson (Transcendental Movement) introduced me to the idea of Autonarchy which could be oversimplified as self-rule. Having complete control over your own life, your own decisions, so long as they do not infringe on other's rights to self-rule. i have been very attracted to this concept, idealisticly, as it differentiates from just being allowed to do whatever you like whenever you like, a scary proposition indeed when one looks at our society. This like all governing ideals however, would surely reach limits just as capitalism, communism, and socialism do.

So, what to do about authority and answering to other? We all end up in situations where we have to answer to someone. Bosses, usually less intelligent than ourselves, who fell into their position based on who they know or some other strange twist of luck. Governments which have not represented us for some time (if ever). Lovers we don't want to answer to but may not want to cut off completely. Friends who we value, but disagree with on life choices. Parents we need to rebel against and break free from but know will always be a part of our lives.

Ultimately we have to answer to ourselves. When your demons come calling for you in the middle of the night can you live with the decisions you have made? When you are taking your final breathes can you say you have enjoyed and been proud of your life?

If you can do this, all else will work itself out. Sometimes we answer to authority, sometimes we rage against it. The regret will last much longer than the memory of who that asshole boss was at that job you had at one point in your life. It's never too late to impress yourself, maybe you'll even give yourself a raise.